Bad insect jokes

RL and I were eating dinner outside the other day when I noticed that a spider had strung a web between the legs of our BBQ. I said, "Honey, look! There's a spider all up in your grill."

The other night I couldn't sleep and came downstairs to watch TV for awhile. It didn't help much, and I wasn't feeling any more sleepy. As I was laying on the couch, lights off, and all the sudden I see a little shape moving across the floor. I frantically turn the light on to find a millipede-type thing racing around the living room (now I'm definitely not sleeping). I get kind of freaked out because I really don't like things with lots of legs, and search for a glass and a piece of paper to trap him and take him outside (because really, something with that many legs is just not something you want to squish into the carpet). Before I can do that, though, Legsy has hidden under the couch. Trying to ignore the fact that he's still in the house, I decide to just go upstairs to my hopefully bug-free bed.

The next morning I tell RL about it, and ask him if millipedes are dangerous. "I don't think so...unless they kicked you to death with all those legs." Me, with an image of a cartoon millipede karate chopping my leg: "You mean like a kung-fu millipede?"

Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but you have to imagine it.

my family's finest moments

The other morning RL and I were sitting on the couch (watching CBS Sunday Morning, no doubt), and Little the cat got the fire in her blood. Below is a picture of the darling girl, just so you have a good visual.

Anyway, she was running around the house like a crazy cat--from the patio through the living room and on her laps in the upstairs bedrooms. At one point while she was running around upstairs, I got up to close the screen door to the patio. Unfortunately I didn't tell her that. So RL and I watch as she races down the stairs, flies past us, and...bonk, right into the screen door. Apparently she's just not all that smart. It took her awhile to finally face us again (I think she was a little humiliated, honestly, and probably had a bit of a headache). We laughed for awhile about that one.

The next day, RL had his own embarassing moment. I was sleeping in, and he graciously got up early and rode his bike to get us some breakfast. He brought it home, fixed up a tray so I could have breakfast in bed, then decided to heat up the syrup for the pancakes. It was too tall to fit in the microwave, so he layed it on its side. But then he didn't want syrup to leak out all over the microwave, so he thought he should have something to prop it up. So he looks around, and, right in front of him is his wallet. What better prop? Good size, right shape.

So he wedges his wallet in there, right underneath the syrup, and puts the microwave on for 30 seconds. When he pulls it out, he notices that it smells a little funny, like burnt leather (hmm, interesting). When he finally tells me about it a few hours later, I say, don't you think your credit cards might have suffered some damage too? And then he starts thinking about the fact that there's METAL on the back of them, and starts worrying that maybe they won't work.

Fast forward to us at Nordstrom Rack a few hours later, where RL is purchasing a new wallet. He pulls the credit cards out of the old one and realizes that there have been little explosions all over the back of them, and that no, they don't work. The stink is horrible too, and the girl checking him out is less than pleased that she has to manually enter his information while holding this foul-smelling piece of plastic.

I'm sure I did something equally embarassing this week, but I just can't seem to remember it...

two, no three, random musings

First, i'm in a five-week summer class with some fellow grad students on media ethics. exciting! actually, it is really interesting. in our class is one of the research-track students, a guy from chile. I give him a lot of credit--it's hard writing journalistically in a language not your own.

Anyway, mr. chile came to the first day of class with one of those blue-velcro-soft-cast type things on his foot. When i asked him what happened, he said, "oh, it's really a silly story." Apparently he broke his toe while "taking a nap." His leg fell asleep, and when he woke up, he jumped out of bed too quick and jammed his toe. I tried really hard not to laugh when he told me, but I immediately came home and told RL, who decided he would start telling people that was how he broke his neck. "Well I was taking a nap you see..."

Second, I just started a job waiting tables at a little Mexican restaurant. On Sunday i was there for nine hours (way too long for grandma tplate), and got to meet a variety of very young hostesses and bussers. One of the hostesses, Iris, was telling me that she had tried to quit a few weeks ago, but just kept coming back. "This place is awful. Everyone backstabs and talks about each other. You think you won't get sucked in but you will." Uhhh, ok? Note to self: Don't tell this girl anything.

She told me she was 16 and I asked her if this was her first job. "Oh no, I have a lot of responsibility. I go to school and cosmetology school. Yeah, I've got big aspirations. (Read: I'm not planning on working in a restaurant for the rest of my life and I'm silently judging you right now for your decision to work here at your advanced age.)" Wow! Good for you! I'm pretty hopeful that I won't be in a restaurant for the rest of the my life either. The kicker came when she asked me how old I was. "How old do you think I am?" She said she really didn't know. I told her I was 30. "Oh," she said. "Well that's not that bad." Thanks sweetie.

Finally, I was on the bus home today and noticed this sign. I think it's funny for a variety of reasons.



1) Shouldn't you designate an area TO stand, not an area to NOT stand? I thought that was the point of designating something. As in, "please park only in designated areas." I had to read it a few times to understand the logic.

2) Wouldn't it have been easier to say please don't stand in the yellow area? Instead of having to draw a big arrow to show what you're talking about?

3) And what is Mr. Naked Man doing leaning against that door anyway? Is he trying to look cool? And I'm pretty sure that no person would ever be able to maintain that pose while on a jerky bus. The moral of the story is, don't be Joe Cool. Joe Cool could die when the bus takes a sharp corner, especially embarassed by his nakedness and the fact that he failed to stand in an undesignated area.

RTD Denver, if you need any more signage help, you know where to find me.